Pages

16 December 2005

I have been fattening myself up for Christmas. Winter, a sedentary lifestyle, and too much crap food from the convenience store means I am beginning to look like the prize turkey at the local abattoir.

Due to this unfortunate state of affairs, I have been thinking about walking home from work to shed the unwanted extra kilos. My body decided differently, and I now have gout -- or, at the very least, an ingrown toenail. Unconscious processes may be at work here as the moment I think about exercising, my body packs up. My big toe is huge, infected, and very sore. Fortunately, I work for one of the few Japanese companies that have a casual dress policy so I am able to hobble around in my Sketchers, jeans and T-shirt. (Yes, I know it's winter, but it's like 30 effing degrees in here.)

However, all is not lost. In an unprecedented move from the top half of my body, I may now have cancer of the mouth -- or, at the very least, a wisdom tooth pushing through -- which makes it impossible to eat anything without severe gum bleeding and a lot of pain. It appears I shall be losing weight through sheer starvation.

I should probably look into getting some kind of health insurance, but who will cover me for foot and mouth disease?

(I know, I know, it's been a slow news week. Cut me some slack.)

3 comments:

  1. Well, I'm not bleeding everytime I chew things but my toe has gone weird on me too. Stupid toe. I was reading about this on Boing Boing. I think Japanese people are insane.

    ReplyDelete
  2. glad to see you are making light of the situation! shall i make the motherly comment and say "please get your wisdom tooth fixed"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sorry to hear about your toe, Fatman. It totally ruins all enjoyment of life doesn't it?
    That article was hilarious, but I'm actually not too surprised. I don't think anything would surprise me anymore. Just gotta go with the flow here.


    Sis, you do sound like mum. And no, I fear dentists more than anything so I'll be riding this one out. It always flairs up then goes down again so it's no drama.

    ReplyDelete