I have been fattening myself up for Christmas. Winter, a sedentary lifestyle, and too much crap food from the convenience store means I am beginning to look like the prize turkey at the local abattoir.
Due to this unfortunate state of affairs, I have been thinking about walking home from work to shed the unwanted extra kilos. My body decided differently, and I now have gout -- or, at the very least, an ingrown toenail. Unconscious processes may be at work here as the moment I think about exercising, my body packs up. My big toe is huge, infected, and very sore. Fortunately, I work for one of the few Japanese companies that have a casual dress policy so I am able to hobble around in my Sketchers, jeans and T-shirt. (Yes, I know it's winter, but it's like 30 effing degrees in here.)
However, all is not lost. In an unprecedented move from the top half of my body, I may now have cancer of the mouth -- or, at the very least, a wisdom tooth pushing through -- which makes it impossible to eat anything without severe gum bleeding and a lot of pain. It appears I shall be losing weight through sheer starvation.
I should probably look into getting some kind of health insurance, but who will cover me for foot and mouth disease?
(I know, I know, it's been a slow news week. Cut me some slack.)