of things that piss her off at work:
1. We don't have a lunchroom or staffroom, so we eat at our desks. The repulsive symphony of slurping starts at around 11.00am and continues well into the afternoon. And I don't mean you're vaguely aware that someone is having lunch somewhere; I mean you have no choice but to be assaulted by the cacophonous sound of someone slurping their slop from the other side of the room even though you're wearing headphones and have the music at full volume.
1. The smell in the office. Due to the above point, the office reeks of the nauseating stench of rotting fish.
1. Receiving emails from co-workers. This in itself is not a problem. The problem is that the person who sent it then walks over to my desk to tell me that they have just sent me an email. They then stand and wait and look over my shoulder as I open said email. More often than not, I have already read the email, saved the document and started working on it, but this does not deter the eejit from then telling me exactly what they have already written in the email. This makes me see red.
1. Co-workers who insist upon telling me that they have received my emails. Every time I send one. I tried to end that stupidity by attaching a 'request read receipt' to the email, but the person then just walked over to tell me that they had just sent me the 'read receipt' and would stand and wait and look over my shoulder as I opened said 'read receipt'. By this time, I am livid.
1. Monday morning clean up. We are responsible for keeping our own desks and surrounding area clean, as the Clown is too much of a tight wad to pay for a cleaner. He shuffles around and watches us pretend to clean - there's a lot of busyness, but nothing is being done efficiently.*
1. Shuffling! Why can't people lift their fucking feet? It's an absolute disgrace and there's no excuse for dragging your heels about the place.
1. People who have perfected looking busy as an artform, while they are essentially doing nothing and are just wasting time with their inability to focus on what needs to be done.
1. Answering the same question ten times in a row. You asked me, I answered you - no need to go over it again as my answer will be the same no matter how many different ways you word the question.
1. People literally running around the office. Need to get that fax from the machine? Just sprint over there before the paper disappears back into the strange contraption. I have nearly been bowled over by pint-sized people who suddenly appear at top speed from behind partitions, around corners and through doorways. No mean feat, as I am almost double their height. And a superhero.
1. People knocking the back of my chair as they walk past. If you could see the huge space behind me, you would agree that there is absolutely no reason in a rational world why this would happen.
1. The Clown hacking up his lungs and coughing. He usually wears a facemask, but appears to have decided that he doesn't care if we're witness to his bushman's hanky.
1. A co-worker who clears his throat loudly and incessantly. I timed him the other day and he was barking every 45 seconds on average. (He is also guilty of being one of the major slurping culprits.)
1. Excessive and blinding fluorescent lighting.
1. The random yet very oft-occurring teeth cleaning that takes place in the kitchenette.
I was rewriting something the other day and came across sick building syndrome, which I had never heard of before, but perfectly describes the general sense of malaise in this office. A guy I used to work with once said that this company is where gaijin go to die. He may well be right.
* As I write this, the third different person in as many minutes has just wiped down the table next to me.