9 February 2007

Feeling fed up? Had a gutful? Want to spill your guts? Has the week left a bad taste in your mouth?

Hello and welcome! I'm your host, Gaijin Girl, and I'll be talking you through this week's episode of ...

FRIDAY SEPPUKU! [cue balloons, streamers and audience applause]

OK, quieten down, folks. [Flashes white teeth to the crowd with a dazzling smile.]

Thanks for joining us. If you're new to the programme, I'll give you a little background. Every Friday, we get together and have a whinge about how bad our week has been... about the shocking state of the world... about the apathy of our 'leaders'... whatever you feel like. It's a wonderful free-for-all where everyone is welcome to shed some light on the dark events of their week or the morbid state of their soul. The person with the sorriest rant will be the hapless winner of the most amazing prize, yet to be determined. At the very least, your pathetic state of being shall be added to this post as an addendum.

So, to get things rolling... I offer a story. It's hardly of Darfur-esque proportions or even significance and I certainly recognise the banality of the following compared with the bigger picture. My gripe is about work.

I can't write too much, as I think they know about my blog at work and I need to be careful. You know, because it's such an amazing job and I'd hate to lose it! All I can say at this time is that stress has caused a twitch in my right eye, which makes the Clown think I'm winking at him, and he has therefore taken to offering me lollies, fruit and biscuits. While I'm partial to the odd snack, I don't really want to accept treats from a Clown wearing a face mask while he is spreading his germs around the office like a bad case of the clap.
In addition, I also hate that I work for over 45 hours a week in an office with windows running along the length of the building. This in itself is not bad, but for 9 hours a day I sit at my desk while the windows are closed, the blinds are drawn, and fluorescent lights burn my retinas away. Multipy 45 hours a week by the 18 months I have worked there, and that's a graph I bet even Hamish wouldn't bother putting together.

Time in that airless room is time I will never get back. Such is my whine. What's yours?


  1. Sounds fan-fucking-tastic.

    I know what you mean. Ick.

    I hope it gets better, and that you win the grand prize so that you can quit.

  2. Sounds terrible. Leave and teach English as a foreign language. You might even meet a Hiro!

  3. Yikes!
    I really hope you don't win as I have a feeling that the prize in Friday Seppuku is kinda hinted at in the title!
    I do love Japanese game shows, though.
    Hey, GG. I'll soon be cutting down my commute by working at home for 3 days a week. I'm going to need a Very Personal Assistant. The job's yours if you want it (or can stomach it).

  4. Granny Patch's Corsets, just come onto th'ship an' I'll keep ye busy, m'Darlin'!

    As for Clowny, iffin ye blow a kiss at him, he might have a heart attack an' that trouble would be gone...

    P.S. Got bit twice at th'job. Does that count as a Friday Seppuku apertif?

  5. My week's been uber-shitty. First my dishwasher broke and today I figured out I'm the daddy of Anna Nicole's baby. Now I've got to find a lawyer and fight all those other baby daddies in court... sheesh.

    Seriously, I'd go nuts being cooped up 9 hours a day without a window to the world... I don't blame you at all for ranting.

  6. Contestant No 1 (Sassy): Believe it or not, I really enjoy what I do. It used to be a very autonomous role and I didn't have to deal with the Clown at all. Now he's made it his mission to get involved in everything and is confusing everybody.
    Thanks, I don't think I'll be working there much longer which would be the grand prize for me.

    Contestant No 2 (Lynn): The work's interesting, but the company itself is becoming frustrating. Teaching's not my thing but I am looking into some other stuff. Ha, I don't think I'll be finding my Hiro in Japan somehow.

    Contestant No 3 (Dive): *puts down knife* Phew, timely intervention there, No 3. Yes, the winner does indeed get the honour of disemboweling themself.
    Congratulations on cutting down your London office days. Sorry I've not said that on your blog. I've been reading everyone's blogs through my reader but haven't really popped by in person as it has been a busy week. You need a Very Personal Assistant? Excellent. I accept. When do I start? What are the perks, benefits?

    Contestant No 4 (Cap'n-san): Ye Gods! Ye were bitten? Twice? Were it from human or animal? That do indeed be worthy of Friday Seppuku candidacy, but ye'll need to be a wee bit more whiny and petulant to be a true contender. If I made a move on Clowny he'd probably take me up on it, so I'll be leavin' that one alone methinks.
    I've been thinkin' bout stowin' away onboard for a mighty sea adventure. I wanna be a pirate.

    Contestant No 5 (B): Look at you! Yay, you finally put your pretty self on your profile. Or did stupid Blogger make you sign in using your Blogger account. Man, I'll save that rant for next week's Friday Seppuku.
    Sorry to hear you've had a shitty week, but it's good for you as it puts you in the current lead for the first ever game of FS. If you're the daddy of AN's baby, does that also make you a prince? Or something? Her sad life is just becoming more and more bizarre.


    So, Contestant No 5 is currently in the lead, followed by Contestant No 4. Wow, I can feel things heating up here...

  7. Hee hee, GG.
    The wages are crap, but you get nice accommodation and two days a week shopping in London.
    As for perks, I'll try to get one of those Eropod 500s for you as the job involves laying on your back a lot and you'll want something to keep you amused while carrying out your duties … er … perhaps seppuku would be the better option.

  8. Contestant No 3 (Dive): Hehe, let me weigh this up:
    Either - nice accommodation, two days a week in London (I'm not really much of a shopper but I would adore two days a week in London), lying flat on my back, Eropod and computer.
    Or - seppuku

    When do I start, boss?

  9. I have the best blog in the world but my readers are the dregs, the people that comment on me are middle aged junkies all hopped on T-bags. I have a load of them throwing their panties at me. I've been called the Barry Manilow of Blogging and I think I caught the clap from my own links. Apart from that the weeks been pretty good.

  10. Contestant No 6 (Old man): Whoever called you the Barry Manilow of Blogging is a true genius. I hope you doffed yer cap to him/her. Your comment had me laughing so hard I dribbled.

    Despite Old Knudsen's readership predicaments, he summed up his week as being pretty good overall, so that still leaves B in first place, Old Knudsen in second, and Cap'n-san third.

  11. The Barry Manilow of Blogging.
    Hee hee hee!

    And you can start your new duties as soon as I get you back from the airport, GG.
    (Dammit! Just thinking about that makes sitting here quite uncomfortable) …

  12. Hey boss, why wait til we get back from the airport? That's wasting precious hours - obviously time management is one of my skills...

  13. Hee hee.
    Now you've got me all unnecessary …

  14. I wasn't going to whinge, but now i officially can. It's flu. Sneezing coughing shivering cursed flu. Here endeth my whinge.

  15. Me Nightingale, Animal be th'answer an' it REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hurts (sniff, sniff). I need someone t'kiss 'em an' make 'em go away...' me tankard is empty an' I don't want t'get up t'fill it because me boo-boos REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hurt (sniff, sniff).

  16. Nope you win by a mile. I'd do something real bratty like opening the blinds and turning ofs the fluro's, then again being fired isn't going to phase me.

    Knudsen - middle aged junkies in t bags? How do I even get in that frame of mind to comment on your blog now????

  17. Contestant No 3 (Boss): It looks as though my new job will be very easy!

    Contestant No 2 (Lynn): Ah, whinge away - that's what FS is all about. Are you feeling better yet? How about a hot toddie. Works every time. Rest up.

    Contestant No 4 (Cap'n-san): Oh, me poor Cap'n-san! Where did the beastie be goin' and bitin' ye? Need we be rallyin' the troops together to bring ye a full tankard an' be sure the kegs are full down below?

    Contestant No 7 (Kate): Aar, me hearty! Gosh, sorry, it takes a minute to get the pirate speak out o' me head. Oh dear, I don't want to win this. I know some people had a worse week than me and I'd like to hear about it.
    I wish I had your guts, but the conformist atmosphere at work is so strong I don't dare do anything out of the ordinary... other than be an outspoken, tall, blue-eyed, white woman crashing about the office...


    FS winner will be announced after this short commercial break.

  18. Konichiwa GG,
    This is my first peek at your blog. I've been chuckling away ... what a hoot! Will check back in a while to see who won.

  19. Welcome Mme Benaut! Feel free to wander around and check out the sights. There's a sad lack of photos of Japan but I'm trying to rectify that.