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3 April 2007

'How to Die' or 'The Peanut Cookie'

Top ten reasons why it's not a good idea to raid your friends' kitchen when babysitting your wee bf:

10. You discover some fabulous looking cookies. You eat one. It has peanuts in it.

9. Your chest begins to feel as though it's being squeezed in a vice, while your heart flutters like a little bird in a (rib)cage.

8. When you try to swallow through your swollen throat, you feel the peristalsis wave go all the way down your now-very-sore oesophagus to your aching stomach.

7. You have to spend 5000 yen on a taxi home because you're too sick to take the train.

6. You are sweating under the bedclothes, but the second you move, you are wracked by uncontrollable shivering.

5. Your eyelids are so swollen you think Rocky's trainer will have to come and cut them open so you can see.

4. Ditto for your ears and hands.

3. You have a rash all over your chest.

2. You lull yourself into a fitful sleep by repeating the words 'anaphylactic shock'.

1. You start making up newspaper headlines to keep the fear at bay: "Decomposing Australian Woman Found Dead In Tokyo Two Weeks after Death. Peanuts."

23 comments:

  1. I have the exact same reaction to country music... seriously though, that sounds like no fun.

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  2. Welcome back, GG.
    Bummer of an allergy you have there. I hope you're well on the way to a full recovery.
    By the way, if you step into my office I'd love to help you with that rash (sorry).

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  3. Hi B: I would have preferred Billy Ray Cyrus parading around with his oh-so-bad mullet to Sunday night's caper. Er, then again, thinking you're going to die is probably preferable.

    Hey Boss: Thanks, the face is back to normal and chest back to its usual luscious, creamy-skinned state.
    Hehe, I'll queue up at your office behind girlfriend and Heidi (and now I'm out of a job?!)

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  4. Your job's safe, GG; I need my VPA.
    Heidi's very good at her job, but every time she opens her mouth I think of rally drivers, which is kind of unerotic.

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  5. Why didn't you attach a photo of yourself - am sure you would have looked very different. Sorry to hear that though. Must have been a while since you had your last peanut hit!

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  6. Boss: Phew! The benefits of my VPA job would be hard to find elsewhere.
    I'm trying to make the connection between a hot blonde Finnish woman and rally drivers. And can't.

    Susi!! Hello, my darlin'. I did take a photo as I was so disappointed I didn't have one from when I got 'nut-slammed back when I was 22. That was the worst time. Anyhoo, the full effects hadn't kicked in so the photo is useless for self-deprecating laughs.

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  7. Most of the top rally drivers are Finnish, GG, and Heidi's accent just reminds me of big, sweaty blonde men slamming their cars into trees while the TV bleeps out all their swearing (I like watching rallying).

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  8. Aaah. So the whole homo-erotic thing I had going on in my head was way off. Ahem.

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  9. Hee hee.
    I am SO glad you're back!

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  10. Thanks! But not sure if I'm 'back' back. Just hanging out and avoiding fixing my life.
    Er, and having fantasies about rally car drivers ...

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  11. Highly Fevered Woman Discovered Holding Nuts.

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  12. A close call always puts us back in reality for a bit.

    Hope you're better and stay away from the nuts eh!!

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  13. Great headline Lynn! Welcome back GG. Here in the States nut allergies are very common and schools have banned any type of but product. Kids can't even bring the old standby of a PB&J sandwich to school any longer.

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  14. ok, that would be NUT product..giggle

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  15. I used to have a similar reaction to peanuts, then realised it was just my wage-packet.

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  16. Cap'n DykeApril 04, 2007

    Death t'peanuts!

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  17. Sounds terrible. You should write the authors of our favorite game and ask them to add a jar of peanut butter to the kitchen.

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  18. Holy shit, Gaijin Girl. I'm glad you're ok.

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  19. Wow! That was a close call, GG! Hope you're immensely better by now. You be careful!

    I had a similar reaction, but to what I still don't know! Suddenly my body was covered in hives, my face was red and twice its normal size, and I could barely breathe. Had been out working in the yard and suspected a critter bite, but found no evidence. Strange, huh? I'm supposed to carry a syringe filled with something I can't remember now, but gave up on that a few yeas ago. I like living on the edge! (grin)

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  20. Welcome back alive, at least you weren't in bath of sand!

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  21. Thanks, guys. You're all lovely.

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  22. I have an allergy to Peanuts. By that I mean that horribly unfunny cartoon with the bald-headed kid who keeps talking to his dog (eerie echoes of Dave Berkowitz there).

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  23. Damnit Fatty, I'm a sucker for that little Snoopy. The voices on the kiddies always bothered me though.
    Hehe, you've got a real thing goin' on with the Son of Sam...

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