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21 April 2007

It's Still All About Meme Me

Dive has picked out an ol' favourite and breathed new life into it. Here it is again:

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

George W. Bush

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

Paris Hilton. OK, technically, she is not an artist or a musician, but she has released some warbling CD. Although even if she hadn't, she should still be destroyed.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

The Clown.

4. What is your favourite cheese?

Gorgonzola

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Chicken schnitzel, lettuce, tomato, avocado, tasty cheese on sourdough. With butter and mayonnaise.

6. You, Elvis and Princess Diana are in a dog sled, fleeing across the Siberian wastes with wolves in hot pursuit. The wolves are catching up fast. Who would you throw out to gain speed and why?

I'd push them both off because they're weighing down the sled too much and it would keep the wolves occupied for hours.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Zach Braff

8. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Ewan McGregor (he sings!)

9. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Put it towards dinner for Zach and Ewan, so they can regain their strength.

10. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Italy

11. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Take Zach and Ewan to the nearest pub. Hey, can I help it if the boys tagged along coz they can't get enough of me?

12. Your dream date. Who, where and why?

Date with Spike that turns into the two of us kicking some serious bad arse and saving the world. Because I'm a superhero and that's what I do.

13. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

Champagne

14. Girls and gay guys: You're in bed with Marilyn Monroe, Doris Day and Salma Hayek. Who's gonna be the lucky girl? (you're only allowed one).
And similarly, guys and lesbians: You're in bed with Cary Grant, Paul Newman and Johnny Depp. Who's gonna be the lucky guy? (again, you're only allowed one). Give your reasons.


Sorry, I don't like my choices. Salma's a troll, Doris is too wholesome and Marilyn too insipid. Hey, I gotta have standards.

15. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-travelling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you travelling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

I would travel to London, circa 1665, after Charles II was restored to the English throne. I would go to Whitehall and eat, drink and be merry in the bawdy society he created after the boring puritanical rule of Oliver Cromwell. I would go and see the plays of Dryden, Congreve and Wycherley. My wig would be bigger, better, higher and whiter than anyone else's. I would wear gorgeous gowns, show off my impressive cleavage and flirt outrageously. I would be very, very drunk. Good times. When do I leave?

16. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

I am she who must be obeyed.

17. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

It's called Gaijin Girl Strikes Again. Its premise is the sorry existence of an Australian woman in Japan who resorts to blogging stupid memes to entertain herself. But then she meets two guys, Zach and Ewan, and moves to Italy and lives happily ever after with her two fellas in a grand old castle. With minions.

18. What is your favorite curse word?

Tosser.

19. You have a choice of two doors, one of which you MUST go through; the first leads to a roomful of spiders, the second to a roomful of clowns. Which is it to be?

I take this option every morning when I turn up to work. The Clowns.

20. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. So what’s the item?

My passport. Don't leave home without it.

21. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Tell them to stop just standing around my bed like freaks, as I'm paying them by the hour, and to get back to work cleaning GGHQ.

22. You have George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden locked in a small room together. It's airtight so both the fuckers are gonna suffocate anyway, but what amusing weapon do you give them to make it more entertaining?

I'd give GWB a copy of the Qur'an and Osama a Bible. Let the games begin.

23. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

Why wait? Bite me already.

24. Truthfully, what underwear are you currently wearing?

None.

25. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

I'm already a superhero.

26. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Sitting on a rowboat after midnight on Loch Morag in Scotland. A fit Scottish army bloke was rowing and I had a glass of red wine in my hand to warm me from the freezing air. It was a full moon and a piper was standing on another boat not far away, piping his tunes. The haunting sounds echoed through the glen and the moonlight reflected off the loch. One of the most magical moments of my life.

27. Moses trips on his robe and drops the stone tablets. Commandment number eleven is broken off. He leaves it there as his back is killing him. What does it say?

"Thou shalt disregard the first ten commandments."

28.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I have blocked all horrible experiences from my accessible memory. No wait ... there was that Pseudo Echo concert back in 1984. That's gotta go.

29. Rufus reappears with the time machine and a custard pie. Who's gonna get it?

No one because I scoff the custard pie and head off to explore the pyramids.

30. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-travelling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But you can move to anywhere else in the world! What country are you going to live in now?

I'm going to stay in Italy with Zach and Ewan because I'm a time-travelling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. Try and stop me.

31. What part of your body would you change (no, you are NOT perfect; you gotta answer this one) and why?

I'd like to have thick, straight hair, not wild, fluffy hair that takes ages to manage.

32. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

There's a pub on Cockburn St in Edinburgh. Can't remember the name of it, but that'll do.

33. What's the last thing you ate?

Lime chu-hi.

34. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Suddenly, you have gained the ability to float. Who are you going to show this to first?

Float? What sort of dumb-arse question is this? I can already float. That's the first thing you learn when you start swimming. I showed my mum first!

35. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead celebrity of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Beethoven. He deserves all those royalties after living as a pauper all his life. Plus he created the most beautiful music I have ever heard and he might fancy composing some more music.

36. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, once again Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

I'd be hesitant to bring back anyone in case they came back 'wrong' like Buffy did. It didn't matter with Beethoven as he was already mad as a cut snake. Or just deaf.

37. What’s your theme song?

I'm Turning Japanese.

38 When did you last have sex?

When I was foolish enough to believe he was who he said he was.

39. Buffy, Willow or Xander?

Angel.

40. Who’s up next?

If you're reading this, you're up.

13 comments:

  1. Woohoo! Gaijin Girl and Spike! You can kick my ass any day.

    And a totally excellent George and Obama answer.

    But Angel? Ew! What a wuss! At least Spike had decent hair and a comedy accent.

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  2. Woohoo, indeed!
    Hey, Angel wasn't always a wuss. He was a champion. And I'm a sucker for the dark and brooding types. Well, until it gets tedious.

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  3. I'm ashamed to say I own the Big Box of Buffy; all 39 DVDs.
    And it's still so much better than anything else on TV.
    And why oh why didn't I tick the "dark and brooding" box? Why did I have to tick the fat and balding box?
    rats!

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  4. I need to get me the Big Box o' Buffy (BBB?) along with the ... er ... Astronomical Attache of Angel. Or something.
    Never mind, fat and balding is workable, too. I nearly wrote Giles instead of Angel.

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  5. Who's Buffy? Yes i think i'm superior. Shame on you Dive.

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  6. Hmmmm … A Buffy fan I know calls me Giles.
    The nerdy demeanour; the house full of books and Tiffany lamps; the penchant for young girls in short skits who kick ass … er …

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  7. hmm... who LIVES in a house like THIS?

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  8. … er Rupert Giles and Old Dive, apparently.

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  9. Everytime someone does a meme the terrorists win.

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  10. Lynn: you need to get on the internet and find out. It was one of the best television programs ever.

    Dive: Fuddy duddies rock.

    Lynn: Dive, apparently.

    Old man: just as well I'm writing this crud for my own entertainment then, eh?

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  11. No really the terrorists love memes and thats good cos even terrorists get bored, you're doing them a service more memes, in fact I started my own meme blog to keep them amused.

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  12. I'm memed out for now coz I've gone over my meme quota. It'll be back to silence for a while.
    Perhaps that will send the terrorists to sleep...

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  13. Mmmmm, There's nothing on the planet as yummy as spike.

    ReplyDelete